This is why we can't have nice things.

[leahbobet]

stillsostrange (8:13:04 PM): I need to figure out what Our Intrepid Heroes could find in the spooky ruined castle before they get attacked by birds.
kafkonia (8:13:49 PM): A Rod of Lordly Might.
kafkonia (8:15:25 PM): I just love the Rod of Lordly Might for being the most phallic magic item ever.
tanaise (8:15:44 PM): Jamie, you love it because you are the patriarchy.
cristalia (8:16:47 PM): I have this theory that it's not that kind of might.
cristalia (8:16:56 PM): That it's like the Rod of Lordly Maybe kind of might.
kafkonia (8:17:53 PM): Whatever might it is, when you handle it properly it gets longer and it grows a pair of balls.
kafkonia (8:17:57 PM): You tell me that's not phallic.
stillsostrange (8:18:38 PM): The patriarchy produces about 98.5% of all phallus love.
stillsostrange (8:18:51 PM): Everyone else thinks they're kind of...well, okay.
kafkonia (8:18:55 PM): Well, we've got it to hand.
kafkonia (8:19:11 PM): To be fair, the Century Worm is kinda nasty.
kafkonia (8:19:20 PM): (And pairs well with the Tunnel Terror.)
stillsostrange (8:20:16 PM): ...
cristalia (8:20:22 PM): ...
kafkonia (8:20:32 PM): Century Worm: http://www.hordelings.com/cache/7296ddc53e4c12857ee65cf5ce56f166_0x-1x0.png
stillsostrange (8:20:33 PM): Is there a Chalice of Unsubtle Symbolism, too?
cristalia (8:20:34 PM): I do not want any Century Worm in my Tunnel Terror, thanks.
kafkonia (8:21:16 PM): Tunnel Terror: http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/88268_620_159.jpg
kafkonia (8:21:24 PM): Note the clitor-- er, tentacle near the top.
kafkonia (8:22:01 PM): Amanda, I believe you're looking for the portable hole.
kafkonia (8:22:08 PM): *prepares for bucketing*
cristalia (8:22:24 PM): Most D&D guys are.


See?

Now go to your room.

Comments

[sierralad.livejournal.com]

No love for the Wand of Wonder, huh?

Probably shouldn't mention the spell "Magic Mouth", either.

[kafkonia.livejournal.com]

Well, the Wand of Wonder, though auspiciously named, is entirely too unreliable to fully capture the magnificence of the phallus. ;) The Rod of Lordly Might, on the other hand, is truly majestic.

As for spells, I prefer "Sticky Saddle" from the Spell Compendium. And then there's Prestidigitation and Mending for when things get a bit out of hand...

And sadly, my comment about the "bag of holding" vs. "bag of devouring" didn't get included. Vagina dentata! *nom nom nom*

[sierralad.livejournal.com]

How about Frisky Chest? :D

Of course, there's the classic typo from Second Edition's Tome of Magic, where they claim there's a spell called "Endure Head".

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

I didn't think you were supposed to have to, y'know, endure it. 0.o

[sierralad.livejournal.com]

If you don't endure, it doesn't last. Hence the spell.

[delta-november.livejournal.com]

Back in the day the only worms we had were purple, and we liked it that way.

Of course, mermaids and succubi and sphinxes had nipples back then too.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

This was back before the Great Nipple Raids of ought-seven?

[delta-november.livejournal.com]

Apparently things were radically cleaned up for 2nd Ed, but there are now complaints that 3.5 artwork is too racy. Which brings us back to the topic, I suppose.

My main complaint is that the lizard races are so clearly mammalian. There are so many exciting lizard traits they could portray instead :P.

[newroticgirl.livejournal.com]

I wrote a story recently that attempts to explain why lizard babes have boobs.

[delta-november.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I look forward to reading that. And I will give you a nickel if you use the word "hemipenes" in it :).

[newroticgirl.livejournal.com]

Oooh, a shiny nickel!! I will name it Phillip.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

You got through that entire conversation without saying "pathetic phallusy" once ?

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

We maintain some shreds of class. *g*

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

I somehow never thought of "class war" as "us against the Philistines" before.