Mawwidge

[leahbobet]

After tonight's meeting of the Federation for Girly Drink Drinkers (partial, but enough for quorum) and a conversation about Wedding Services That Made Us Go WTF, I have made a vow before witnesses:

When I get married, the service will go thusly.

Officiant: Mawwidge. Mawwidge is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwidge, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah--

So tweasuwe youw wove, --

Hot Groom of My Choosing: Skip to the end.

Officiant: And do you, Pwincess Buwwercwup Leah--

Hot Groom: Man and wife! Say man and wife!!

Officiant: Man and wife.

Hot Groom: Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite. I'll be there shortly.

Me: Whee! *skips off to honeymoon suite*


Short, succinct, and inoffensive. Clearly an unqualified win. :D

Comments

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

I've always thought "Man and wife" was kind of offensive, actually. XD Otherwise, I think that's a perfect ceremony, and about the right length, too.

But I guess you probably won't invite me anyway. heehee.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Beats hell out of a thirty-minute lecture on how Jesus should come first in your marriage, not feelings. :p

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

< fry and laurie > Hardly different, hardly different! < / fry and laurie >

...Okay, totally different, and much preferable. ;)

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Justice of the peace, baby!

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Now I'm wondering if there are Justices of The War. Or if there perhaps should be. :P

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Does this involve Elvis?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

No, "Do you have the wing?" Aww.

The thing that appalls me is not the number of people who have no idea what I promised in my wedding ceremony, because, y'know, not their wedding. It's the number of people who have no idea what they promised in their wedding ceremony and will, when poked, come up with things that appeared nowhere in the text. One is certainly allowed to promise one's spouse any number of things outside the ceremonial context, but I would have thought people would be a great deal clearer on which is what.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Oh, damn, I missed the wing line.

Huh. This is like the people who don't read their short story contracts, I think. It always shocks me how many people don't know what they sign.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I have the quite unfortunate suspicion that it's not just that people are mixing which promises they made privately and which publicly but are just in general not clear on what they have promised their spouse and what they feel obligated to do to fulfill those promises.

But short story contracts are mostly legally binding, so that probably should alarm me even more.

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

Except that when you get married, I'll forever think of the groom as "Humperdinck".

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Humperdiiiiiinck!

[sierralad.livejournal.com]

... shouldn't that be "Weah"? :D

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Yes it should, but I was drunk. *g*

[sarah-prineas.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. I double-dog dare you to really do this when the time comes.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Hee. I am so considering it. Every secular ceremony I've seen and/or heard of has been...ack.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

Ours was 5 minutes long and included an E. E. Cummings poem that I like (cheesy, I guess, but whatever), and basically promising to be best friends and partners. :)

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

I have an ordained cat who I'm sure would marry you, but she might have trouble with the speaking parts...

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'm sure she could meow it effectively.

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

The two funniest events I've witnessed at weddings:

- when twiddler and angrykat were married, the priest (it was a Catholic church) took time out to deliver an unplanned lecture on the duty of the "obedient wife". And then chastised the congregation when we all cracked up laughing.

- at Torcon 3, where there was a ceremony for four American same-sex couples, the United Church minister presiding^* started by saying, "Normally I start a wedding ceremony by saying, 'May God be with you,' and the congregation responds, 'And also with you.' But today I think it's more appropriate to say, 'May the Force be with you.'" And the congregation responded "And also with you."

* - Cheri diNovo, who is now the MPP for Parkdale-High Park.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Those are both awesome.

The funniest I've ever seen was at a wedding of two friends in Stratford, where the obviously old-school Eastern European officiant was going on about how, in euphemism, now they could have sex. And blissfully ignoring the bride's second-trimester belly with the power only denial can grant. It was...yeah. *g*