I want so much to not be cynical.  I want to look up into the sky every morning and feel my heart lace through the sunshine; to cup my hands around transcendences like a Douglas Coupland girl.  I want to hopscotch over the bad things on a string of generosities, and thus find my way to shore.

#

You know I'm working on Indestructible by the sound of unmitigated sobbing coming from behind the laptop.
January 13, 2012 Progress Notes:

Indestructible

Words today: 300.
Words total: 600.
Reason for stopping: Two hours later, the fit is off me.

Darling du Jour: Its blued feathers scraped the glass, too-cramped and wide and awkward. Half-pinioned by its own wings.
Mean Things: In the middle of everything, a moment of grieving grace.

Research Roundup: Cherry blossom season in Vancouver and Prince George. Crows, visual reference. The visual fields of birds.
Books in progress: Alissa York, Fauna.


[livejournal.com profile] sora_blue was over tonight after crepes and tea and the record store, and I was showing her bits and drabs of stuff, and played the song for this to say "Here, this is what it's supposed to sound like." And then suddenly there was this tickle and echo in my brain, like something moving through all its chambers, and by the time I saw her out there were words caught in my breath.

I dove for the keyboard. Pretty much straight away.

Might keep these words. I might throw them out. Something's unfurling here, and we'll see how it looks in the morning. But right now all I feel is my soul is inside me, and very little else matters.
Lots of kind of half-assed planning today, and not a lot of follow-through.

Met up with [livejournal.com profile] subject_zero as advertised, and decided we'd try for the Museum of Anthropology: one of the backpackers I was drinking with last night said it was really very good, and I hadn't been out by UBC just yet. So we walked to the stop for the right bus, only to have the bus pass us right by, and Danny said, "Hey, is it even open today?" So I made sure. And no, it was not. Dammit, Vancouver: I like culture on Mondays too.

Cast about for a few more ideas, and ended up at the Vancouver Art Gallery, which we knew was nearby because Occupy Vancouver is right in front of it. The first two floors are closed -- they're putting in a new exhibition -- but the third and fourth were open, and they weren't bad exhibitions: on the third, a history of the collection itself, complete with copies from their files about restoration, and the founding of the museum, and various pieces they'd acquired on subscription. The one about Emily Carr and their restoration drive for her stuff was especially good, as were the 1910s newspaper clippings, mostly due to awesome 1910 typography. On the fourth was a three-artist video installation exhibit: one from Vancouver, one from LA, one from Guadalajara. The last two were really quite good, and video's not exactly my thing.

Best thing in the gallery today: probably a full-room installation of a cityscape made of coloured plastic, with projectors running images of cityscapes through them and onto the white walls. It was something about the way the light broke and twisted through them, and the feeling of being inside and outside the piece all at once: it reminded me of the best thing we saw at Nuit Blanche this year, in the Gladstone, with the screens full of shots of crows. We do not necessarily know art very well here, but we know what we like.

Ironically, though, it was pretty hard to get a washroom in the gallery. There was one right in front, and the security guard manifestly would not let me use it even though I was right there about to get an admission. Third floor or nothing. This is deeply ironical in a city where there are actually clean, free, accessible public washrooms in parks in the poor part of town. Income disparity strikes again.

After being cultured and so on, ran a few errands: picked up some US cash for Seattle tomorrow, grabbed a coffee on Georgia Street (thus completing our survey of the major Vancouver coffee chains visible: Blenz, Waves, and Trees), and walked through one of the downtown malls, where I failed to get a refill of face powder and Danny ogled iPads, and we concluded that malls are fundamentally the same the world over and mostly suck pretty hard. And then we meandered back to Granville for dinner at a big and trendy-looking sushi place that was nonetheless pretty much empty, and ate all the sushi in the world. The value of all-you-can-eat is apparently lots. We've been walking all day for three days. I think we needed the protein.

Our conviction that Vancouver is frozen in musical 1998 continues. Music played at the sushi place included Sloan's "The Good in Everyone" and the Refreshments' "Banditos".

Back at the hostel now, camped out in my first-floor armchair (informally dubbed the Quiet Room, it being quieter than the common room) to answer e-mail, figure out the distances and ways and means between me and the bus station, the Seattle bus station and [livejournal.com profile] jonofthewired's place, all that and the airport for Thursday, and just generally be central in case anyone from the little posse we had going last night is heading down to the bar. Although given how sleepy I am at this point, I may just call it an early night. There is a reasonable amount of travel happening tomorrow.

Next update from Seattle!
(...and I can't quite believe that I've only been here two and a bit days. It feels like years.)

Woke up yesterday to beautiful sunshine, clear skies, the works. There's a free breakfast at the hostel before 10am and I wasn't meeting [livejournal.com profile] subject_zero until noon, so I went down for that and ended up eating with the severely cute Dubliner and one of his roommates, a dude from Sweden who's backpacking six months in North America and then six months in New Zealand. Nothing fancy, just bagels and fruit, but it was warm and good.

Met up at noon at the coffeeshop and decided that no, we were most definitely not doing as much walking as the day before, even though I was (and am!) surprised at how well my legs are holding up to it. I've got a recurring twinge down the side of the right one, but otherwise they're perfectly good to go. All that night rambling I've been doing this summer must have paid off more than I thought. 0.o

Danny suggested Gastown, since it has a steampunk clock, is fancy, and was on the way to Chinatown anyway. So we set off to see what we could see (and scope the Gastown Fluevog store).

Gastown's interesting: part of the problem I've been having so far is that we're very much in the downtown here, and the core downtown of any North American city resembles the core downtown of any other North American city to a ridiculous degree. Part of what I want to get a sense of (for words, and also as a filthy tourist) is character. At which point we turned the corner into cobbled streets and the architecture changed into these long brick rows of buildings, and, well, character.

Gastown's pretty. It's also really gentrified, which gets interesting: you have all these galleries and restaurants and trendy things in old, old buildings, but it's almost set like a layer over what you can get the feel of it being not all that long ago. There are a lot of people panhandling or whatnot. An older street artist dude came up to us, did a sketch on what used to be a cardboard box, and used every line of patter in the book to keep us there until it was finished so we might pay him for it (we did). The poverty's even more conspicuous when it's set against the consumption.

We ducked up to Chinatown after, up a block or two which were closed off for the Downtown Eastside street market, or so said the sign: all kinds of people with blankets or not, tarps or not, selling everything from secondhand clothes to old books to just random stuff. If Gastown is for tourists, and not necessarily the kind who've come from out of town? This was not. It was sort of a mass garage sale/barter/flea market put on by the residents' association, and while it didn't entirely feel like intruding to go through, I wasn't really inclined to bother anyone.

A couple people had mentioned the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Chinese garden on Pender as a place to definitely see, and so we cut up to there. It's kind of amazingly lovely: there's a courtyard in front with the Chinese zodiac laid out in mosaics, and then you go around a statute of the Buddha, through a gate, and it's all pond and lilies and wooden walkways, and willows leaning down, and sun. There were koi in the pond, huge ones, just sort of tooling around doing their thing. There was a whole stand of bamboo on the other side, and benches, and just a general quiet. It's the kind of place that begs for art students, or a good book.

It was probably 2pm at this point, so we broke for dim sum at a dim little restaurant that had an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie on the TV screen in the corner (when you watch it with the sound off, a lot of things about Alvin and the Chipmunks do not at all make sense) and then meandered back towards Granville. Which means I have only really nibbled the edges of the Downtown Eastside, but, y'know? It was enough to get it through my head that no, maybe that wasn't the best idea, and maybe not the most respectful one besides, no matter how much I have book to write.

After a quick nose through the Fluevog on Granville (safe, because I don't have room in my bag for fancy shoes) we split up: Danny's feet hurt a lot more than mine, and he was pretty much done for the day. I headed back to the hostel, parked myself in an armchair, and wrote and wrote and wrote. So the first scene of Indestructible is down in rawest, smelliest draft; I have my way in, and it feels right and good, which nothing has on this book since I started trying to write it, about, oh, two years ago?

And then the cute Dubliner came by, and said I should come down to the bar, and I ended up drinking with backpackers from Australia and Sweden and England and everywhere else until last call.

So yesterday was extremely satisfactory, really.


Slept in this morning (too many beers, but I'm on vacation) and missed breakfast, but I have a few leftovers from the Great Stanley Park Escapade in the fridge downstairs, and I'm sure I can just grab them on my way out. The new roommate headed out this morning early, so we haven't yet introduced ourselves -- the Portland undergrads left yesterday morning. I'm not yet sure where to go and what to do today, but I'm due over at the coffeeshop to meet up in probably 25 minutes, so I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Last full day in Vancouver, today. Tomorrow we hop a bus to Seattle. Stay tuned.
Only a day and a half into the trip, I think we can categorically say this was a good idea. I have been really worked up for the past couple months. I am not exactly worked up at the moment.

So!

[livejournal.com profile] subject_zero picked me up at the airport last night after my first large-plane flight in quite a while (you don't even feel those landing. It's kind of amazing) and we parked my stuff at the hostel where I'm staying, smack in the middle of Vancouver's club district. Very late dinner (lobster ravioli, beer, cheescake, more beer) and filthy gossip ensued at a microbrewery by Waterfront Skytrain station. I have missed [livejournal.com profile] subject_zero terribly.

This was pretty much the night: it was late, I'd done a five-hour flight, and generally lying down seemed like a good idea.

The hostel's nice and tidy and cheerful and packed with Australians. My roommates for the moment are three pretty nice undergrads from Portland, up for their fall break, who were out clubbing until an amazing hour last night -- I didn't hear them come in, and I was up until about 3:30 Pacific (mostly wondering why I wasn't tired when it was past 6am on Brain Local Time, and how was I still awake?). This means I'm getting a certain amount of privacy: I'm out most of the day, and when I come back, it's the room to myself and playing my music and general chilling out for hours. There's free wifi and a common room, and the kitchen is huge. So far, it hostelling is beating the hell out of hotels.

Vancouver itself: cool and damp and ivy-covered, and full of crows, which apparently fill the niche that pigeons do at home. I can't get my finger on the architecture: it's this mix of curvy ultra-modern stuff and almost coastal US warm-climate houses, and the kind of pastel siding I've seen in the Midwest. There are a lot of condos, and there is a lot of green. It feels kind of young and slick. I don't get that sense of age, of layered history, I have back home. Also, decided lack of hipsters thus far. We may be in the wrong neighbourhoods for it. Surprising amount of on-street cosplay, though.

There is a thing the sky does here, heavy with three different-coloured striations of cloud, where it lies low and thick over the ocean and flows down into the mountains, and you feel...contained. Most effectively and completely contained, as if someone's put a lid over the top of the world. It's not oppressive -- everything is sort of too big and stately green to feel oppressive, really -- but that cloudy sky is like a hand light on your shoulder. You can never quite forget it's there.

It's a curious and beautiful city. I'm pretty rock-certain already I could never live here. There are red maples planted here and there, and I kept lingering among their leaves, just hungry for the shocks of colour amidst all the soft grey.


This morning, rolled out of bed to what looked like it was going to be rain (the rain never actually materialized) and met up with [livejournal.com profile] subject_zero around noon to go to the Granville Island Public Market. First rule of Vancouver: Everything is always farther than you think. No, really. Farther.

This will become important to the story later.

So we walked across the Granville Street bridge and around and down and in this weird loop to get to the island, which is sort of like what would happen if someone took a tourist town or that one area of Charlottetown, PEI and smacked it in the middle of some other city: lots of little shops, crafts, nice wide sidewalks, etc. Considering how much we had to backtrack to get there, I suspect the artists have been corralled onto the island in the middle of the river to keep them contained (like Escape from New York, just without the President). It's small and lovely, and the farmer's market there is a bit like St. Lawrence: spread through a few buildings, and reasonably broad. I should probably not be so surprised at how comfortable I am in a market, but it's like finding my safe place. We'll probably be going back Monday or Tuesday to stock up for the trip to Seattle.

But for today, we picked up a whole bunch of food -- walnut and rosemary bread, cheese curds, honey garlic pepperoni sticks, Indian candy, passion fruit, tiny little bananas, pomegranates, Fuji apples -- to be our provisions for Stanley Park.

Stanley Park is...not a park as I am familiar with them. It is an old growth rainforest, lurking at the edge of a city. It smells soft and sharp like fallen leaves and the ocean, and it's damp everywhere, even though it didn't rain; I'm convinced it was just damp out of sheer habit. There's a seawall running along the outside, with historical plaques and such facing the bay, and steps down to the water in case you for some reason want to walk down into the ocean. And then there are trails and trails everywhere though the woods. We ate passion fruit and bread on park benches by a stand of totem poles, and watched the mountains, and found which redwoods are in fact Ents.

Thing is, it's is also farther than you think it is, and bigger.

We were overall shooting for Prospect Point, at the far north end of the park: kind of rambling about, looking at things, taking our time. What we took is probably the most roundabout, longest, least efficient route to Prospect Point that mankind has ever invented. It was extremely scenic and a great walk. But then it was 5pm, and we were only halfway there. And our feet really hurt. There was...some interesting and creative swearing. And a few kind of tired giggles.

But since this is adventure day? We went anyways.

It was maybe kind of stupid: if we'd turned around, we could have grabbed a lazy dinner and whatnot, and probably felt better for it in the morning. But it was also kind of worth it: The view out to the ocean is kind of ridiculously incredible, and catching it with the sun going down was probably even better. There was also a cafe up there, and we sat down (yay!) and ate some things with protein in them (yay!), having already demolished most of our snacks. And then we, well. Had to get back out of the park, all the way back where we'd come from.

Yeah. *g*

Walking down through Stanley Park at night is a bit like Escape from Witch Mountain, or a whole subgenre of horror movies and/or Criminal Minds episodes. Whole legions of my relatives are never going to find out that happened so I don't get strangled, revived, and strangled again. But? High adventure, people. High effing adventure. Also, the road straight through the middle is really a lot faster than whatever it was we did on the way up.

We ended up sitting for an hour or two in a coffeeshop near Burrard Station trying to make our feet do things again, puttering and chatting and eating Nanaimo bars. The other thing Vancouver seems to do so far is be musically no later than 1998 at all times: both today's coffeeshops, the one I grabbed breakfast at this morning and the one we found this evening, and the hostel both this morning and tonight in the common room were playing stuff I haven't heard since I was 16. Also, the Burrard coffeeshop rickrolled us. And we don't think it was ironic.

So after all that, we split up for the day and I stumbled back to the hostel (with a side trip through Occupy Vancouver on the way) and tucked what leftover groceries I had in the kitchen with an eye to climbing into bed early. Instead, ended up in a two-hour conversation with a severely cute guy from Dublin who handed me a spoon and shared his pint of Ben and Jerry's with me in the hostel kitchen (another point in favour of hostelling: cute Dubliners! Ice cream!). And now I am on my bunk, frittering about the Internet with extremely sore feet and a general and fuzzy sort of contentment. I'm hoping to be up for the two-dollar breakfast downstairs tomorrow morning, so sleep is soon.

...and yeah, that was only the first full day of nine.


Tomorrow's only half-planned: definitely Chinatown, and definitely my little walkthrough of Main and Hastings, so as to write Indestructible properly, with tastes and detail and smells. No idea what else we might get up to. It probably depends on the state of our feet, and the weather, and the operant whimsy.

Thrilling updates tomorrow. Goodnight, children everywhere.
August 28, 2011 Progress Notes:

"Shine a Light"

Words today: 200.
Words total: 750.
Reason for stopping: Leeetle too hyper to write something this stark.

Darling du Jour: This time it’s Basra. Aleksei leads her into the washroom on a constant murmur of apologies, and when they come back her second pinky finger’s sheared to the bottom joint.

Mean Things: Cutting people's fingers off. Blooooood. Not getting to feel it when your boyfriend wants to have fun sexytimes.
Research Roundup: N/A.

Books in progress: Wayson Choy, The Jade Peony.
The glamour: Booked my hostelling arrangements and such for my pre-WFC trip to Vancouver tonight. My internal notion of Vancouver is in the space triangulated by Douglas Coupland, Matthew Good, and the Robert Pickton murders. It is sort of like Canada's Own Gotham City.

I am so excited here.


Yes. So, Vancouver.

As a filthy bribe added incentive to encourage me to go to World Fantasy this year, I have thrown my last week of vacation at a pre-convention trip: Vancouver, a few days in Seattle, and then San Diego for the convention. Part of this is so I can see some friends who have moved out west this summer (including two members of my old gaming group, who are both quite dear to me). Part of it is so I can walk the city proper and thereby, maybe, get what I need to write Indestructible, which is now buzzing in my head like a toddler on drugs since it heard we're taking a trip.

Part of it is just the sheer pleasure of being in a different time zone than my to do list for a bit.

So I'm going to Vancouver. And then Seattle. And then San Diego, and WFC.

I see you there?
The weather's broken here in the T-dot; it's been cooler and sunshiny with bouts of Crazy! Rain! for added flavour for the past few days (which, might I add, is really lovely when we have all the windows open at home: it sounds like you're in the last treehouse outpost of civilization during a very Bradburyesque green end of the world). My two-week-long bout of insomnia hasn't broken just yet, but the cool weather's helping: I've managed to sleep some the past few days. Not enough (wah!), but enough to work:


The window table at Aroma is mine. I will unhesitatingly cut all trespassers.


The edit has progressed into chapter four, which is a land of mostly fairly focused and isolated notes, one of the major systemic issues, and then one tricky interconnected thing that sent me back and forward in the manuscript to construct and seed a consistent rationale for a whole line of conflict that's better than because I said so. I think it works now. I'll check for soundness on the next pass.

I've also hit the point where there are a few things I need to ask my editor about: wordcount inflation and clarifications on some notes and the like. I shall bundle them up in a package with an attractive bow and e-mail them over tonight.


Otherwise, things we have been doing?

Went to a workshop in Kensington last night that was half identifying culinary and medicinal herbs that grow randomly in the downtown core and half making salve out of them; the workshop leader was, coincidentally enough, someone I went to elementary school with (see: the Only 500 Player Characters in Toronto theorem). They're doing another one on canning and pickling next month, and that's on the calendar. Afterwards, watched Proof with Dr. My Roommate, which was a startlingly chewable and amazingly well-written movie, and managed to finally deliver a late birthday present to a friend, who seemed to (yay!) really like it.

The autumn concert ticket pile has been started. Just two shows so far, but consider this to be a nice solid foundation for the fifty-floor skyscraper I'm planning.

Planning for the Most Epic Housewarming in the Universe has also started. A couple days of my time are going to be spent test-cooking party snacks very soon.

Did a stack of additional notes on Indestructible while I was feeling it the other afternoon, and have roughed the structure of the first few scenes. There is a thing in the file which could be the first line. It could not. First lines delineate and circumscribe so very much about a book. They have to be chosen with ultimate care.

Put in some work towards getting the September issue of Ideomancer ready, which will be coming to that website over there near you on, well, September 1st. I'm really pleased with the TOC on this one: it's thematically solid, but really nicely varied in terms of style and genre. We just bought a raft of really good poetry, too.

There is a cabbage as big as my head in my fridge, from last week's farmshare. Dinner tonight will be cabbage rolls. Apple coleslaw or Waldorf salad may also be in my future. It depends if I can get some decent apples on the way home.

Speaking of which, my battery has maybe 10 minutes left on it (and the downside of working at Aroma is that the plugs do not, how we say, plug), so home is where I'm going. More tonight, maybe, if my concentration keeps.
It's -9 C in Toronto tonight; with the windchill, it feels like -15 C. I came home this afternoon huddled down in jeans and sweater and my big wool pea coat, scarf and hat and lined gloves, and my knees were still freezing by the time I made it the four blocks from the office home.

Those of you who caught the prior post know that Peter Watts, whom I like and respect and count as a friend, was detained, beaten, and pepper-sprayed by US border guards while trying to cross back into Canada; while coming home. When he was released from custody on the other side of the border, it was "coat-less and without a vehicle, in a winter storm."*

Let me tell you a little story about the cold.


In 1990 in Saskatchewan, a 17-year-old boy named Neil Stonechild was found frozen to death in a field outside Saskatoon. He had last been seen, handcuffed and bloodied, being packed into the back of a squad car.**

Ten years later, two more Native men were found frozen to death outside the city in a single week. A third came forward with a story of being driven around outside the city by the police and threatened. There was a public inquiry. Two police officers on the Saskatoon force were ultimately charged and lost their positions.

There's a name for this thing. It's called a starlight cruise.

I found out this story from a CBC documentary in 2003 or so. [livejournal.com profile] matociquala was over visiting. It had long, lingering landscape shots of the frozen prairies; the very epitome of winter.

I started crying and I couldn't stop.


See, here's the thing about living in a cold-weather society. You stick together, because you have to: it's you against the winter. That is, on a certain level, the basic division of life. That's where the concept of the Wendigo comes from. A wendigo is famine, starvation, greed; the insatiable need to eat until you eat the members of your own society. Wendigo are creatures of the cold, the North. They are supernatural, but a human being can become one, if they resorted to cannibalism.

A wendigo is what happens when human beings turn away from their own and throw in with winter.


These are the worst sins of a cold-weather society, the ones that are irredeemable: siding with winter. Feeding off your own. Taking another person as prey, or leaving them as prey for the winter, in jeans and a shirt with no wool coat or scarf or hat; with no lined gloves and no transit home, knowing full well what the winter does.

These are the things that scare me.

I will not be travelling to the United States for the forseeable future.


*Citation.
**Citation.
I have come to understand why authors write proposals. You write the proposal for the editor, sure, but you also write it to get the idea out of your head; so it'll stop haunting your footsteps, whispering in your ear; so you can stop catching yourself humming its songs in the laundry room and get back to the thing you're supposed to be writing.

That being said.

September 27, 2009 Progress Notes:

Indestructible

Words today: 100.
Words total: 100.
Reason for stopping: This is snippet and outline and notes and arguments. I'm not ready to actually start writing yet, thus the token wordcount. That's what I've got in snippets and paragraph-ends. The notes are considerably longer.

Darling du Jour: No darling.

Mean Things: The Highway of Tears. The BC Missing Women Investigation. And having to find out the bad news thirdhand.

Books in progress: Daniel Rabuzzi, The Choir Boats.
The glamour: ...actually? This is the glamour right here.


It has character names and thematics, and some soundtrack and an argument, and the outline of the first chapter although the third scene thereof is under debate.

I made it an icon.

I guess it's a book.
I have finished the revision (that was in the icebox, and which you were probably saving for breakfast).

What does this mean for you? Well, apart from getting yet another insight into the fact that the publishing process is nothing if not slightly repetitive, I may actually have interesting things to say about the world and said writing process by the end of this week. I know I was boring for a month. I'm sorry. There was this revision and this dayjob and things and I got very, very tired for a while there and could not come out to play.

I did start taking notes on yet another inappropriately-timed novel idea that will really have to wait its damn turn. Yes, I am writing a reply to -- of all things -- Darkman.

Go figure.

So what've you been up to?
leahbobet: (gardening)
I need to go to Vancouver sometime and scout out the landscape.

Preferably after the Olympics.

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