All the Contest That's Fit to Print

[leahbobet]

So, I got taken to task some about not entertaining you fine people sufficiently this past weekend. To wit, the questioner questioned: where have all the contests gone?

(Long time passing.)

And I said um, uh, hrm, look a pony! but that didn't work really. So we give you...

I Cannot Break the Bylaw! I AM the Bylaw!


So we've heard a great deal lately about what the SFWA and HWA bylaws allow and prohibit, sometimes mystically intoned as "that's what the bylaw states". We don't know why they're called bylaws (well, we do, that's what associations call theirs) but it does detract a certain gravitas, does it not? I mean, to break the law is one thing. To break the bylaw is...well, let's go jaywalking this afternoon!

We all also know, if we've been on the intertubes for a sufficient amount of years, that there are a lot of old, outdated, and just plain silly bylaws on the books in every city. I think there's one here about dragging dead horses down Yonge Street on a Sunday. Ottawa has some funny stuff about garages, and we all know that one out in the UK about when you are allowed to shoot an Irishman.

Therefore your mission today, if you choose to accept it, is to fill in this sentence:

There will be no __________ ...in SFWA.

Example solutions include:

There will be no watering your lawn between the hours of six a.m. and six p.m. ...in SFWA.
There will be no hedges between three and six feet...in SFWA.

All entries will be judged by reading aloud in a seprulchal, deathly serious tone, with the ellipsis indicating a Pregnant Pause (tm).

Show your work! Fabulous undisclosed internet prizes await you!

Comments

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

There will be no plowing of cotton fields using elephants...in SFWA.

There will be no hiding of waterfowl under your hat or other headgear...in SFWA.

Washington State is serious about their alcohol...

[obake.livejournal.com]

There will be no destroying of other people's beer casks or bottles in SFWA.

Work:

RCW 19.76.110
Refilling bottles, etc. -- Forbidden.

It is hereby declared to be unlawful for any person or persons hereafter, without the written consent of the owner or owners thereof, to fill with ale, porter, lager beer or soda, mineral water or other beverages, for sale or to be furnished to customers, any such casks, barrels, kegs, bottles or boxes so marked or stamped, or to sell, dispose of, buy or traffic in, or wantonly destroy any such cask, barrel, keg, bottle or box so marked, stamped, by the owner or owners thereof, after such owner or owners shall have complied with the provisions of RCW 19.76.100. Any person or persons who shall violate any of the provisions of RCW 19.76.100 through 19.76.120 shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction thereof shall be fined five dollars for each and every cask, barrel, keg, or box, and fifty cents for each and every bottle so by him, her or them filled, bought, sold, used, trafficked in or wantonly destroyed, together with costs of suit for first offense, and ten dollars for each and every cask, barrel, keg and box and one dollar for each and every bottle so filled, bought, sold, used, trafficked in, or wantonly destroyed, together with the costs of suit for each subsequent offense.

[1897 c 38 � 2; RRS � 11547.]

[stevenagy.livejournal.com]

Captain Obvious says,

There will be no BCDEGHIJKLMNOPQRTUVXYZ ...in SFWA. :-)

[timprov.livejournal.com]

You're all just byscofflaws.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

*scoff! scoff!*

'scuse me, something in my throat... *g*

[barbarienne.livejournal.com]

There will be no shirts with fewer than four colors in SFWA.
There will be no smoking in the boys' room in SFWA. (Apparently it's okay to smoke in the girls' room.)
There will be no back-talk in SFWA.
There will be no taking the stairs two at a time in SFWA.
There will be no running with scissors in SFWA.

You need the reverse form, too. "All SFWAns must..."

All SFWAns must...
...return their seat backs and tray tables to their upright and locked positions.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

All SFWAns must...
...keep their arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

[graygirl.livejournal.com]

There will be no requal...in SFWA.

[katallen.livejournal.com]

Maybe -- there will be no entrance or exit except by the gateways provided for such purposes and no person shall climb over or upon any railing, fence or hedge or through or under any such railing or fence or through any such hedge... in SFWA.

Or even -- there will be no fouling of the pavement... in SFWA

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

There will be no one younger than 40...

...in SFWA.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

You win the internets.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

PAR-tay!

[timprov.livejournal.com]

You win at the internets, I apparently lose at the comments. It really wasn't funny enough to try a third time.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

I do appreciate your tenacity, though.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

And you deleted them! Now no one else will see the funny!

[timprov.livejournal.com]

Draft Jeremy Tolbert!

..I think that sums it up.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

It does! I mean, really, check out those rayguns.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

There will be no members who had a date before the age of twenty-one...in SFWA.

[sierralad.livejournal.com]

There will be no... RULE SIX in SFWA.

Rule Seven? NO POOFTAHS... in SFWA.

OR!

There will be no cats in SFWA, the streets are paved with cheese.

:D

[timprov.livejournal.com]

There will be no impersonating clergymen ...in SFWA.
There will be no operating while intoxicated ...in SFWA.
There will be no bathtubs without feet ...in SFWA.
Don't even think about parking ...in SFWA.

There will be no thinking about the future ...in SFWA.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

And of course I missed a classic from parks all over the continent:

There will be no pepper ...in SFWA.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

There will be no disposing of unsatisfactory deliverypeople in unlicensed shark moats, or unlicensed tiger pits, in SFWA.

All disposals and all pits require a license. In triplicate.

My sense of humour is acting strange again, I see.

Come back with your shields or on your shields...in sfwa.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

There will be no pushing elders onto ice floes and leaving them to die as nature wants them to...in sfwa.

Re: Come back with your shields or on your shields...in sfwa.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

There are no barbarians at the gates...in sfwa