Maybe a little historical perspective - while sexuality was "opening up" more in the '60s and '70s, I have a feeling the early feminists, especially after the advent of the Pill, had a harder time saying "no" to men.
By the time I was ready to date in the '70s, it never occurred to me to go to bed with a man merely because he asked me to to tried to pick me up.
Not that I got asked too much. I was a big, smart, loudmouth kid. I dated very little before I found fandom.
In fandom, as there were fewer women than in the general public, and as the men were a little smarter themselves and not as daunted by smart women, I had a whole social life. Yes, there was a little inappropriate groping from time to time, and maybe a very abrupt kiss or a proposition when I wasn't particularly interested. But I never had the experience in fandom of having to fight my way out of a situation. I'd say no, back off, and all was well.
I got propositioned BY LETTERS by some guys in fandom because they felt too uncomfortable to ask me in real life. I always turned them down.
At one point in 1975, I was drunk and in a hotel room late at night with a cute older guy I'd only just met. He planted a very definite "come hither" kiss on me, and I just smiled and said, "No, but I'ld like to talk with you some more." And we talked politely for about another half hour or so.
Now, in retrospect, it was a really stupid thing to be alone with a guy in a hotel room while drunk. But it was fandom and I felt safe.
This is very different from many situations I've heard from mundane women. I've heard some pretty awful stories of rape and sexual assault in dating situations. And while I'm not saying "that would never happen in fandom," it doesn't seem to happen all that often.
So, don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to justify boorish behavior on anyone's part. But what I am saying is that things are really not so bad in fandom. And some of this is pretty funny when you get right down to it.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: let's just take away his comp
Date: 2006-08-31 07:03 pm (UTC)Maybe a little historical perspective - while sexuality was "opening up" more in the '60s and '70s, I have a feeling the early feminists, especially after the advent of the Pill, had a harder time saying "no" to men.
By the time I was ready to date in the '70s, it never occurred to me to go to bed with a man merely because he asked me to to tried to pick me up.
Not that I got asked too much. I was a big, smart, loudmouth kid. I dated very little before I found fandom.
In fandom, as there were fewer women than in the general public, and as the men were a little smarter themselves and not as daunted by smart women, I had a whole social life. Yes, there was a little inappropriate groping from time to time, and maybe a very abrupt kiss or a proposition when I wasn't particularly interested. But I never had the experience in fandom of having to fight my way out of a situation. I'd say no, back off, and all was well.
I got propositioned BY LETTERS by some guys in fandom because they felt too uncomfortable to ask me in real life. I always turned them down.
At one point in 1975, I was drunk and in a hotel room late at night with a cute older guy I'd only just met. He planted a very definite "come hither" kiss on me, and I just smiled and said, "No, but I'ld like to talk with you some more." And we talked politely for about another half hour or so.
Now, in retrospect, it was a really stupid thing to be alone with a guy in a hotel room while drunk. But it was fandom and I felt safe.
This is very different from many situations I've heard from mundane women. I've heard some pretty awful stories of rape and sexual assault in dating situations. And while I'm not saying "that would never happen in fandom," it doesn't seem to happen all that often.
So, don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to justify boorish behavior on anyone's part. But what I am saying is that things are really not so bad in fandom. And some of this is pretty funny when you get right down to it.