Interesting thoughts. I'm an introvert and I have two sons, both of whom went to co-op preschool, which means I worked in the classroom and was able to observe how they interacted with their peers.
My older son was extroverted from the get-go. He was drawn to other kids--wherever the biggest knot of kids was, that's where he'd go. He'd watch what they were doing and join in. It was almost like he was a chameleon--he showed few preferences as to what he personally wanted to play or do. Whatever the other kids were doing, he wanted to do it.
He's now 9 years old, and everywhere he goes, he does the same thing. Finds a knot of kids he finds appealing, watches them, insinuates himself into their play. He claims that making new friends is hard, but I've never seen a kid who does it more easily.
From the time he was 4 years old, I watched him and thought, my preschooler has better social skills than I do.
Then my second son went through the same preschool program. In those first days of class, he spoke to no one--not even if they spoke to him. He'd find something he wanted to play with--but only if no one else was playing with it. If a knot of kids came over and joined him, he'd leave.
He's now a year and a half into the program, and has made some social progress. He answers when the teacher speaks to him (usually). He very occasionally raises his hand in class. And once in a while he plays one-on-one with another child, but only if it's something he wants to play. He rarely adapts to another child's play style.
When I invite kids over for him to play with, he does much better--apparently being around just one or two other kids is much easier for him than being around 14. He also plays quite happily with his brother.
If you're thinking he's on the autistic spectrum, it's possible, but I don't think he is. He reminds me of myself at that age--able to play in small groups but incapable of dealing with a crowd. I think he's just a severe introvert--a natural one, not created by any kind of peer abuse.
Watching the two of them, I've come to realize being an introvert does have some advantages. My extroverted boy will, I believe, always be more susceptible to peer pressure; whatever the prevailing trend is, he follows it. But my youngest, though he's likely to have a much harder time with his peers in school, may have a stronger internal compass.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-02-01 12:39 am (UTC)My older son was extroverted from the get-go. He was drawn to other kids--wherever the biggest knot of kids was, that's where he'd go. He'd watch what they were doing and join in. It was almost like he was a chameleon--he showed few preferences as to what he personally wanted to play or do. Whatever the other kids were doing, he wanted to do it.
He's now 9 years old, and everywhere he goes, he does the same thing. Finds a knot of kids he finds appealing, watches them, insinuates himself into their play. He claims that making new friends is hard, but I've never seen a kid who does it more easily.
From the time he was 4 years old, I watched him and thought, my preschooler has better social skills than I do.
Then my second son went through the same preschool program. In those first days of class, he spoke to no one--not even if they spoke to him. He'd find something he wanted to play with--but only if no one else was playing with it. If a knot of kids came over and joined him, he'd leave.
He's now a year and a half into the program, and has made some social progress. He answers when the teacher speaks to him (usually). He very occasionally raises his hand in class. And once in a while he plays one-on-one with another child, but only if it's something he wants to play. He rarely adapts to another child's play style.
When I invite kids over for him to play with, he does much better--apparently being around just one or two other kids is much easier for him than being around 14. He also plays quite happily with his brother.
If you're thinking he's on the autistic spectrum, it's possible, but I don't think he is. He reminds me of myself at that age--able to play in small groups but incapable of dealing with a crowd. I think he's just a severe introvert--a natural one, not created by any kind of peer abuse.
Watching the two of them, I've come to realize being an introvert does have some advantages. My extroverted boy will, I believe, always be more susceptible to peer pressure; whatever the prevailing trend is, he follows it. But my youngest, though he's likely to have a much harder time with his peers in school, may have a stronger internal compass.