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New Bookstore Rules
Sep. 29th, 2006 07:00 pmDear Book-Buying Public,
The Bookseller is pleased to inform you of the following new Bookstore Rules:
1) If you enter the Bookstore with the sole purpose of flirting with a) the Bookseller or b) her Bookseller Brethren (Sistren?), you must buy a book. Just a mass-market. Especially if your flirting technique is to ask us about a book, so we handsell various things and run around recommending stuff for twenty minutes, and then you give us your number and go away, thus leaving us having ignored the other customers because we really thought you wanted help.
If you repeatedly pick the days we have 21 boxes of new releases on the floor, or shelving to do for a signing, or mounds of paperwork, you must buy a trade paperback.
While the attention of interesting eligible bachelors is nice sometimes, we have work to do. Please select the days when we are bored.
And we find guys who read books much hotter.
2) If you enter the Bookstore with the sole purpose of asking the Bookseller (who has other customers to help) how to get your novel published, then ask the Bookseller to read it, say it has been rejected by 200 agents, and then sulk when the Bookseller gives you honest advice because you really just wanted to be petted by the Bookseller? You must buy a hardcover.
We are totally willing to give pointers and pay forward what we've learned as writers, but if you ask, you must at least pretend to listen. Otherwise is bad manners and bodes ill for your as-yet nonexistent career in fiction.
3) If you enter the Bookstore so you can show off by complaining about how Publishing (tm) does things and demand we do something about it, since we are obviously having dinner with Publishing (tm) later tonight and perhaps letting it get to third base? You must buy a trade paperback. Not a YA one, one of the adult expensive ones.
Everyone else who came in today who wasn't those three guys, thank you for not being those three guys. We often have candy in the Bookstore, and will share it with you.
Much Love,
The Bookseller
ETA: Okay, and the guy who just hung around giving me the creepy look for twenty minutes and then tried to set something on fire in the corner by the magazines? Just get the fuck out and don't come back.
The Bookseller is pleased to inform you of the following new Bookstore Rules:
1) If you enter the Bookstore with the sole purpose of flirting with a) the Bookseller or b) her Bookseller Brethren (Sistren?), you must buy a book. Just a mass-market. Especially if your flirting technique is to ask us about a book, so we handsell various things and run around recommending stuff for twenty minutes, and then you give us your number and go away, thus leaving us having ignored the other customers because we really thought you wanted help.
If you repeatedly pick the days we have 21 boxes of new releases on the floor, or shelving to do for a signing, or mounds of paperwork, you must buy a trade paperback.
While the attention of interesting eligible bachelors is nice sometimes, we have work to do. Please select the days when we are bored.
And we find guys who read books much hotter.
2) If you enter the Bookstore with the sole purpose of asking the Bookseller (who has other customers to help) how to get your novel published, then ask the Bookseller to read it, say it has been rejected by 200 agents, and then sulk when the Bookseller gives you honest advice because you really just wanted to be petted by the Bookseller? You must buy a hardcover.
We are totally willing to give pointers and pay forward what we've learned as writers, but if you ask, you must at least pretend to listen. Otherwise is bad manners and bodes ill for your as-yet nonexistent career in fiction.
3) If you enter the Bookstore so you can show off by complaining about how Publishing (tm) does things and demand we do something about it, since we are obviously having dinner with Publishing (tm) later tonight and perhaps letting it get to third base? You must buy a trade paperback. Not a YA one, one of the adult expensive ones.
Everyone else who came in today who wasn't those three guys, thank you for not being those three guys. We often have candy in the Bookstore, and will share it with you.
Much Love,
The Bookseller
ETA: Okay, and the guy who just hung around giving me the creepy look for twenty minutes and then tried to set something on fire in the corner by the magazines? Just get the fuck out and don't come back.
