And it would be extremely easy for me to be glib here and say, "The lesson is, don't make friends with jerks, and don't stay in contact with your family if they're jerks." But the things I consider minimally civil behavior are appallingly rare in some people's lives. One of my best friends told my partner he had done the nicest thing a man had ever done for her when he ordered them concert tickets (she paid for her own, he just ordered them when she said she was interested), he picked her up and drove to a moderately priced restaurant (where she again paid for her own), and then took the two of them to a concert. She was 22 years old, and taking into consideration father, brother, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, friends--this was far and away the nicest thing a man had ever done for her.

It was really upsetting to hear that. (Thankfully she has made some more decent male friends since then, and even married one.) But when that's her experience of men and also most women, it would have been no surprise if she'd ended up feeling like people were going to expect things of her for free and not value her work.

My bubble: it is a nice bubble, but I need to not forget that it is a bubble.