Unscientific Data-Gathering

[leahbobet]

Okay. For a variety of reasons, mostly involving long-term relationships, I've not dated very much in the past seven years. It occurs to me I have no idea what's standard.

Of course, I am solving this via silly internet polling. :p

Life's more fun that way.

(Sorry, I know this poll is kinda heteronormative. If I could cash in for the shot that makes me like girls more, I would probably do so at this point out of sheer frustration, but it's not the dynamic I'm trying to figure out at present.)

[Poll #1101787]

Science thanks you.

Comments

[shiroiko.livejournal.com]

Doesn't it all depend on context? I mean, that could come off flirty (in an awkward, dorky-line sort of way) or kinda creepy all depending on who said it and how it was said (or written, as may be the case).

As for the question to the boys, if I may put my girl two cents in I think that really depends what type of sexual question is asked, how it's asked, and how you feel about the individual person who is asking. Sometimes something just comes up in conversation and you happen to feel comfortable with the person you're talking with (be it on the first or fiftieth date)... sometimes not so much. Just consult your inner creepy-o-meter because, alas, I don't think there are any set rules for this sort of thing.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Thing is, I am trying to calibrate my inner creepy-o-meter. I suspect it might be broken. :/

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

Try saying, "well, that's a creepy question" and not answering it. If they ask again, you were right. If they don't, and they keep talking to you, they're just poorly socialized.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

Actually, on this basis? The dude I was talking to last night is entirely fucking creepy.

[timprov.livejournal.com]

I like this strategy. Having plenty of clueless moments myself, it's nice to be given an opportunity to say "oh, right, I'm sorry" and move on.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

I think I may actually go with this. It can't actually be confused with flirting, which is a plus.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

>As for the question to the boys, if I may put my girl two cents in I think that really depends what type of sexual question is asked, how it's asked, and how you feel about the individual person who is asking.

Yeah, I ditto this completely. I mean, I've gotten, "...you want to go upstairs?" on what was essentially a first date and that was fine and not creepy in the slightest. And I've gotten, "I'll call you!" and I was sitting there thinking, "Gosh, I really wish you wouldn't." So.

I do think that part of the creep factor is...attentiveness? Responsiveness? Not just how I'm feeling about the other party, but how they're picking up on how I'm feeling. A creepifying question is, I think, creepifying in part because it's totally out of tune with the signals I'm sending. But the same question at the same time could be perfectly okay if I wasn't, frex, edging for the door.

If that makes any sense?

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

That makes sense. That is the...making sure we're sharing the same reality thing, and the am I here for your fantasy or something that is mutual thing.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Yes! That.